Our Voices

Survivor Experience

This page acknowledges the lived realities of mothers and children who have been affected by hidden harm and systemic failures within the Irish Family Law System.

Recognition and Truth

Many experiences remain unheard, minimised, or dismissed. Speak4OurChildren exists to bring visibility to these realities and to highlight the patterns of harm that continue to impact Protective Mothers and Children across Ireland.

Children’s Voices

The voices beneath the silence matter — especially the voices of children who cannot speak for themselves. Their experiences are too often overlooked or misunderstood, and their safety is not always protected within the systems meant to safeguard them.

Our Purpose

Our work focuses on raising awareness, amplifying survivor‑led perspectives, and advocating for meaningful reform so that every child’s voice is protected, respected, and finally heard.

Safety • Protection • Vulnerability • Trust • Connection

Real Stories

At Speak4OurChildren, we believe that healing and justice begin when survivors are truly heard. This space exists to honour the courage of those who have lived through abuse and injustice — giving voice to experiences that have been silenced for far too long.

The voices beneath the silence matter — especially the voices of children. Children often cannot speak for themselves and their experiences are too easily dismissed, minimised, or hidden. Speak4OurChildren exists to stand beside them, to speak for them when they cannot and to ensure their truths are never ignored again. By sharing our lived realities we reclaim our power and help others feel less alone. Together, we shine a light on what must change in our systems, in our conversations and in our society, so that every child’s voice is protected, respected and finally heard.

“Coercive control is not a private matter. It is state-enabled child abuse when institutions dismiss or deny its existence and mislabel it as “high-conflict parenting.” Every day that systems look the other way, children are forced into survival strategies that fracture their attachment to their protective parent. This is institutional betrayal. Our children cannot afford silence. They deserve protection by the very systems meant to safeguard them. And mothers who refuse to be erased are not being “difficult”. They are often the only line of defense standing between the child and the predatory parent.”

— Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW

Leading expert on coercive control and its impact on adult and child victims
Doctorate in Clinical Social Work, New York University
Developer of The Protective Parenting Program
Host of the Perfect Prey Podcast
Author of Every Moment of Every Day
Co-author of ‘FRAMED’: Women in the Family Court Underworld
TEDx Speaker: “It is ALL Coercive Control”

The following reflect common patterns reported by mothers in the Irish family‑law system. They are anonymised and not linked to any individual case.

“I was expected to hand my child over to the very person who had caused so much fear and distress. My child had witnessed and experienced so much trauma, yet access was enforced at all costs. Even when my child was crying, resisting, or being physically pulled to go, I was told I had to ‘make it happen’.

Professionals told me to do whatever it took bribe them, threaten consequences, take things away. I was warned that if my child didn’t comply, I could lose custody, lose my job, or even face jail.

The fear this system instils is overwhelming. You learn quickly that staying quiet and complying is the only way to survive it. The traumatisation and retraumatisation is all‑consuming.

The system is not humane. The harm it caused to my family is something that cannot be understood unless you’ve lived it. It is chilling and surreal.”

“I kept being told the system was there to protect my children, but nothing about it felt protective. Every time I raised concerns, I was dismissed as ‘emotional’ or ‘uncooperative’. The person who had caused so much fear in our home was treated as if they were entitled to access, no matter how distressed my children were.

I watched as my children shut down, riddled with panic, clinging to me, and begging not to go. Instead of listening, professionals told me I needed to ‘encourage’ them more. I was warned that if I didn’t make my children comply, it would reflect badly on me. The pressure was constant to – comply, succumb, stay quiet, don’t make trouble, try to remain invisible.

The process felt like walking through a storm with no shelter. Every step was another reminder that the system wasn’t built for families like ours. The emotional toll was enormous. It changed how my children see safety, and it changed how I see the world.

What hurts most is how invisible we felt. It was as if our fear didn’t matter. As if the truth didn’t matter. As if surviving wasn’t enough.”

“I was warned repeatedly about the in‑camera rule told that I must not speak about anything that happened in the courtroom or there would be serious consequences for me. The message was clear: stay silent, stay small, stay afraid.

I tried to explain the abuse I had lived through, how I had waited for a safe moment to leave, how I had a safety order in place. But instead of feeling protected, I felt exposed and alone. I kept hoping the system would offer refuge, guidance, or even basic understanding. Instead, it felt like the very place I turned to for safety had abandoned us.

The devastation of realising that the system you believed would protect you and your children is the same system that leaves you unprotected is indescribable. The betrayal cuts deep. You walk in expecting support, and you walk out feeling punished for surviving. The emotional impact is something I will always carry.”

“In court I wasn’t allowed to voice anything. Any time I tried to speak, a hand was raised to silence me. The feeling of being inadequate and insignificant is something I will always remember. I learned I didn’t have the right to be heard, I wouldn’t be protected, and if I tried to protect my children I would be dismissed and punished.”

“In court I was accused of parental alienation and coaching my child. Nothing I said was believed. Any time I tried to explain what my child had lived through, it was twisted into me ‘influencing’ them. I felt like the truth didn’t matter. I was treated as if protecting my child was a crime. The fear of being punished for speaking up was constant.”